the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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