Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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