i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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