guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
