Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i think i have two assholes
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
