That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
