OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
