i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
