you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
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Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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