vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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