Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
