At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
