; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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