I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
