genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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