Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
