Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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