They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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