i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
