Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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