2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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