So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
we're so committed to being not committed
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
