Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
