so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
