I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
