It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
