You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
