you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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