this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
