You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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