im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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