my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
