Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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