I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
