Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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