I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
