You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
