So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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