1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
