he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
