Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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