Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
