Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
