she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
