Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
