I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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