You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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