and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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