That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
