Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
