wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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