my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
