IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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