Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
