Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
