Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize