So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
