he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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