I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wish they made helmets for livers.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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