I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
