He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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