I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
