Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
A bitchslap is in order.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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