At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We are two peas in an std pod
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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