ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
