; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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