I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
