I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.