I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
