I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.