I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.