ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
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in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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