I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
