im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize