I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
