On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
