People with herpes should wear stickers.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
