Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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