his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
