oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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