I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
