Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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